A mother…. Without a mothers touch

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers!

What a beautiful blessing it is to carry the next generation within you — to feel life growing inside of you… life that God Himself breathed breath into.

“And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.” — Genesis 2:7 (KJV)

Instead of doing our monthly Grace Passer post from an amazing mom, today we will have a special Grace Passer Blog on this beautiful Mother’s Day!

We share grace for all mothers, but today we will share grace with the mother who carried her seed, delivered her seed while healing from either a vaginal birth or a C-section, battled baby blues, and endured so much more — all without the touch of a mother.

I’ve been without the touch of my mother for as long as I can remember, but that’s a story for another day.

I conceived my first child in 2018, and she was born in 2019. I conceived my second daughter in 2020, and she was born in 2021. She was unexpectedly premature, spent time in the NICU, endured many challenges after her surgery, and eventually went to Heaven.

At the end of 2021, I conceived my Promise child, and he was born in 2022. I conceived another blessing in 2023, and he was born in 2024. And NOW?! I am currently pregnant with Glory Twins, who were conceived in 2025 and will arrive in August 2026!

All of my babies were delivered by C-section, but that’s a story for another day.

God has truly blessed my womb, and because of MY GOD-GIVEN GRACE, I am still standing for it all!

“Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.” — Psalm 127:3 (KJV)

Imagine going through pregnancy, labor, C-sections, postpartum, and life after postpartum without the touch of a mother.

I have been on my own since I was 18 years old. I have survived the streets, demons, suicidal attempts, generational curses, domestic violence, jail, HELL, and Lord knows so much more — which is a story for another day.

Those things made me strong.

I’ve always had ME, yet deep inside, I longed for that mother’s touch.

After becoming a mom in 2018 up until now, every once in a while I would feel that void crying out within me.

Like last month, I caught the GI bug while pregnant — and that is NO FUN!

I could not eat for 48 hours. I couldn’t drink water. Even if I moved a certain way, I would throw up. I was laid out and felt completely stuck. My house couldn’t get my attention. I couldn’t tend to my children the way I wanted to (thank You, Lord, for an amazing husband). I couldn’t even lift my head.

And in THAT moment, tears rolled down my face because the touch of a mother was so desperately needed and wanted.

I am not speaking of just any woman, because you can have women in your life who give you baby shower gifts or show you beautiful love when they see you in the streets or at church. You can have a beautiful community of elders and so-called “auntie” figures, but that was not the touch my heart was mourning for.

I needed a Mama.

At one point, I thought I needed the mother who birthed me, but that space had been void since I was a little girl.

Then I thought maybe my husband’s mom… but that’s a story for another day.

I searched around in my heart and realized I couldn’t find ONE Mama. Not one. Because that was only a void GOD could fill.

“To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes…” — Isaiah 61:3 (KJV)

Now, to the mothers who may not have that motherly touch but do have someone who shows up and allows them to be completely vulnerable — that is beautiful. God always provides what is needed for the season and the moment. Don’t forget to tell her Happy Mother’s Day today!

And to the mothers who lack that touch physically, I am here to tell you this: we have made it this far by God’s GRACE, and by grace we shall continue!

Someone once asked me how I did motherhood without a mother by my side, especially while they themselves had a mother and strong family support.

I had two words — words I’m sure I’ve already repeated throughout this blog:

GOD’S GRACE!!!

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness…” — 2 Corinthians 12:9 (KJV)

God’s grace to me feels like my divine superpower! It’s what helps make me that “super mom.” I could not do this without Jesus praying for me and without our Heavenly Father covering me.

Depression during motherhood could not take me because I was hungry for the destiny God had prepared for me and my babies.

Anxiety during motherhood could not consume me because it was God’s REST that kept me in peace.

“And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 4:7 (KJV)

And suicide was never my portion during motherhood because I have already tasted and seen THAT THE LORD IS GOOD!

“O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.” — Psalm 34:8 (KJV)

He said He set life and death before me and told me to choose LIFE!

“I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life…” — Deuteronomy 30:19 (KJV)

He lives, therefore I live. And because I live, I get to show my babies how to truly live while breathing!

THAT was the touch I needed.

That is the touch that carries me through the moments where I mourn what I never had.

Knowing that the generations God trusted me to nourish is such a sacred calling reminds me that I must keep moving forward and embrace this beautiful journey.

And when I do look back at my timeline, it is only to see the goodness of the Lord and how He snatched me out of the mouth of the enemy!

“And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten…” — Joel 2:25 (KJV)

Take a moment and look back over your own life… now look at where you are today.

God has been our Father, Mother, Friend, Protector, Provider — EVERYTHING!

“When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.” — Psalm 27:10 (KJV)

So even when we mourn a touch we never had during our motherhood journey, best believe God already has the solution. He will equip us for every moment.

One thing I’ve learned in my church home is this:

EVERYTHING WE NEED WILL MEET US IN THE PRESENCE OF GOD… IT WILL COME OUT OF THE GLORY!

So when those moments come, PUSH INTO GOD, MAMA!

That is one of the most beautiful examples we can show our children.

From one mother to the next,

With HIM, you indeed have this!

Your May Grace Passer

— Toni Beasley